I HATE CRUNCH FACE!!! I know, it’s Christmas, I shouldn’t hate anyone, or, anything, but I just can’t help it! How long have I been doing time in this house? What, at least four years? How many times have I went with mom and dad on Christmas Eve? I’ll tell you how many, zero, bubkus, the big goose egg, nada, less than one, anyway, you get my point, never! Along comes this crate pooping, bug eyed, tail pulling, man part nipping plague, who’s been here less than three months, and off to grandma’s house she goes! Meanwhile, I was stuck here with the Furball! The Furball, by the way, must have heard the hippie talking about Santa Claus, because that’s all he could talk about last night while everyone else was gone! At first, I thought Crunch Face pooped just one too many times on the floor when mom and dad took her with them. Maybe she was going to the proverbial family farm! Oh no, according to Crunch Face, she went to see dad’s side of the family and mom’s side! She even saw Bad Grams, who said Crunch Face could come to her house today for dinner! Now get this, she said Crunch Face could come on one condition, I can hardly type this I’m shuddering so bad, mom would have to clip Bad Grams toe nails! What? There wasn’t any sewers needing unclogged? No lepers needing bathed? I can’t believe mom agreed to this! Anyway, if Crunch Face does get to go to Bad Gram’s for dinner, and I get stuck here with Furball again, I’m going to poop like I’ve never pooped before, right on the dining room floor!
On the first day of Christmas, my master brought to me, a pug to torment me!
On the second day of Christmas, my master brought to me, two tail tugs!
On the third day of Christmas, my master brought to me, three rabbit pens!
On the fourth day of Christmas, my master brought to me, four bunny turds!
On the fifth day of Christmas, my master brought to me, five PIT BULL BEATINGS!
On the sixth day of Christmas, my master brought to me, six vets a spaying!
On the seventh day of Christmas, my master brought to me, seven nail trimmings!
On the eighth day of Christmas, my master brought to me, eight crates with poopings!
On the ninth day of Christmas, my master brought to me, nine yippy lap dancers!
On the tenth day of Christmas, my master brought to me, ten Furballs weeping!
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my master brought to me, eleven hippies piping!
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my master brought to me, twelve Grammies grumbling!
That’s twelve Grammies grumbling, eleven hippies piping, ten furballs weeping, nine yippy lap dancers, eight crates with poopings, seven nail trimmings, six vets a spaying, five PIT BULL BEATINGS, four bunny turds, three rabbit pens, two tail tugs, and a Pug to torment me!
Merry Christmas everybody!
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