Something is terribly awry! I’m only five days removed from my visit to the beauty shop, and I already stink and look like Amy Winehouse after an all weekend bender! Dad thinks it’s because I’m eating rabbit poop, mom doesn’t have any idea, she just says I stink like "death!" Well, here it is, I hate to admit it, but the old man is right! I have a problem! It started with just a few pieces of rabbit poop here and there, you know, just to take the edge off. Now, I can’t help myself, I find myself hanging out by the rabbit hutch at all hours. I need help! My name is Princess, and I love rabbit poop! There, I said it, it’s delicious! Who knew it would make your breath stink and your fur look like it was brushed with a blender! On the bright side, it is pretty chic to have a problem. Maybe I can get on a show with Paris and Nicole, I mean really, those little lap dogs didn’t bring anything to the show like I could, the mutts in the purses were kind of boring as well! Gotta run!

All in all, a pretty quiet weekend! I got home from the beauty shop Friday afternoon, where I received (paw air quotes) "the spa treatment." If getting sprayed in the face with an aerosol can is "the spa treatment," then I sure got it! Supposedly, the "spa treatment" made me smell like vanilla. Mom was so giddy, she made dad smell me when he got home from work. Well, the next thing you know, they’re passing me back and forth smelling me, like I’m some kind of water pipe. (Explains the girl’s name a whole lot more) Anyway, mom kept asking dad "can you smell it, can you smell it?" Then she said, "It’s vanilla," can you believe the beauty shop threw in the "spa treatment" for nothing! Little did she know, I got a little snippy with the beautician, which caused her to throw in the "spa treatment" free of charge! My hair do’s pretty cute if I say so myself! I kind of look like Naomi Watts, except when I jut my teeth out, then I look like Katie Couric. Gotta go, mom said something about the girls getting together for a little swimming later today, I sure hope the pool water doesn’t dilute my "spa treatment!"

This day has not started out the greatest. The pit bull’s old lady called, apparently, she was looking through his phone and found my texts, thank goodness she didn’t find the pictures I sent! Anyway, she started with the whole "stay away from my man" routine! I was all like "whatever," she was all like "no you didn’t." The call got old after a while, so I hung up on her. I guess I’ll have to find another way to get my revenge on old cry and whine. So after the phone call, mom starts with the "where’s my pretty girl," I figured one of three things; I’m either gonna have to swallow some pills, go to the vet, or, go to the beauty shop. CURSES! It was the beauty shop. Just when I was getting my hair the way I liked it, I have to go and get it cut! Besides, dad was really liking my aroma, he said just last night he had never smelled anything that smelled like me! I bet they’ll put some cheesy ribbons in my ears, try to make me look all foo foo, just so mom and dad can carry on about how cute I am. Well, let me tell you, it’s hard to look foo foo when your bottom teeth are jutting out! Gotta run, I feel a little protest coming on!

Things aren’t going as planned today. First of all, the pit bull is still really upset I stood him up. He also said something about turning over a new leaf and giving up the bad boy image. I asked him if he could just do me this one little favor, I mean really, how hard would it be to come over and scare furball? The mongrel is afraid of his own shadow, can you imagine if the pit bull came over and got all Naomi Campbell on him! I’m sure he wouldn’t be sticking his tongue out at me anymore! He might be swallowing his tongue, but not sticking it out! Besides, dad said I’m one in a million, the pit bull just doesn’t know what he’s missing! The girl they call Summer, you know, the one who stole my place at vacation bible school, is coming home from the float trip today, I’m sure she’ll be greeted like some conquering hero. I can just see the furball now, jumping up and down, running around the house acting like he just won best in show at Westminster! Like that could happen, did I mention he’s a half breed, not a pure breed such as myself? Oh well, gotta go.

August 4, 2010


What a relaxing day I should of had! The girl they call Summer, (still makes me laugh, everything’s groovy man!) is on a float trip, and the boy they call Wyatt, was off with dad for take your brat to work day, or something like that. So this should of left just me and mom, kicking back and taking it easy for the day. Of course she was still a little upset with me after I defamed the dining room last night. I was really hoping mom and I could of had some real quality girl time today, you know, maybe get a pedicure, talk about our lives, laugh, cry, laugh again. You know, girls just being girls. There was only one problem, and it happened to be wearing a black fur coat! Old cry and whine was right there, up in our grill every time we turned around! You would think he would have felt a little awkward, being the third wheel and all! I wonder if the pit bull is over the skunk incident yet? I think it’s time I give the old boy a call and take care of this ignoramus once and for all! Gotta run!

Last night was uneventful with the church kids, except the furball made a complete fool of himself. It all started when the church kids began to arrive at the house. Well of course, the simpleton had to jump up and down, acting like Tom Cruise on Oprah’s couch every time the door bell rang. It didn’t take long before dad put us both out on the back porch. I figured I’d just catch a few rays while passing the time. Not old cry and whine, he figured he’d pass the time by jumping up on the sliding glass door, I will say this for the bag of hair, he sure can jump! When the jumping didn’t work, he lost his dignity quicker then Miley Cyrus! He started with the crying, not just whimpering, I mean Lindsey Lohan in a court room type crying. It was awful! You know, I almost felt sorry for the poor guy, he can’t be altogether right. Enough about furball, I’ve got a rabbit hutch to go hide under, it is getting to be lunch time, gotta go!

Bad girl, bad girl, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do, when they come for you... Man, if I heard "bad girl" once this weekend, I heard it a thousand times! Not only did I get stuck with the furball this weekend, mom and dad left me home alone with him on a Friday night! Well, there should be none of that! So, I left a little home warming surprise on the dining room floor for the happy couple on their return. Saturday, me and the humping wonder of the world, got left home alone all day! Well, once again, I left a little protest in the dining room! Let me back up a little bit, apparently, on Friday, the girl they call Summer, you know the one who stole my place at camp, crashed a golf cart into a parked car. Needless to say, this caused all sorts of drama, at camp and at home! Talk about what goes around comes around, I’ve just never seen it happen this fast! I certainly would not have crashed the cart if I had been driving, just another reason dad should have protested and stood up for his favorite girl! I forgot to call the pit bull and tell him I wouldn’t be at the meeting place Saturday night. Apparently, his eyesight’s not the best in the dark, let’s just say if we were in Arkansas, he’d be engaged to that skunk! Old cry and whine cried Friday night when he had to sleep downstairs with me. He was pretty brave Saturday night, he told me he would be going back upstairs Sunday night, as soon as the kids came home. Well, last night was a whole other story! The kids went to bed without furball! I haven’t seen crying like that since Chris Brown was on the BET Awards! Oh well, I need to get ready for the church kids tonight, talk at you later.