Wow, what a weekend! It all started Friday night. So much for the pit bull and his “old lady” patching things up. About midnight the muscle bound galoot drunk dials me. He’s all like, what’s up baby. I was all like, what’s up playa! Anyway, he sounded friskier than Jimmy Johnson on his Extenze commercial! He started with the whole misunderstood thing, how I’m the only one for him. He tells me he’s been looking at the pictures I e-mailed him and he wants to come over. So I tell him, until he can start fulfilling my needs, him and his “old lady” might as well stick together. I mean really, all I wanted was for him to come over and break three or four of the furball’s kneecaps and he can’t even do a little thing like that!

Saturday, I don’t know what was going on. The boy they call Wyatt was singing “I’ll Be There,” over and over and over! I don’t know where “there” is, but I was wishing he’d just go and stop singing. Later, mom and dad mention going to the homecoming for a talent contest. As flattered as I was, It had been a while since I’d done any dancing or singing, but I thought, hey, why not? I mean, I certainly have room on the old trophy shelf for a trophy, or, two! Well the time comes to leave, guess who got left behind, if you guessed Princess, you’d be right! Just me and the furball on a Saturday night! Furball started with the do you think they’re coming home routine? I responded with do you think I can work up a bowel movement before they get home? Later, mom, dad, and the boy come home. The boy had a ribbon, apparently from the talent contest. Now, unless they’re giving ribbons for Grammy’s these days, I’d say they were a little over excited! Of course the furball was jumping up and down like he’d just one first place in the biggest idiot contest. Poor furball, he’s so simple, not sophisticated like me.

Sunday, dad says he’s going to get the pool ready for a party. As long as little kids aren’t invited, I’m down with a party. Dad vacuumed the pool while mom cleaned up inside. I did my part by not being able to decide whether I wanted to be inside with mom, or outside with dad. Later, the guests started to arrive. Curses! You couldn’t swing a dead cat without hitting a kid! Dad said the kids were just curious. Yeah he’s right, they just wondered what would happen to a dog’s eye if they stuck their grubby little finger in it! My whole body was itching before the kids started probing my eyeballs, in fact, my eyes were the only thing not itching before the party! Oh well, having your eyes probed does take your mind off itching! There’s always next weekend. Now, where's that Visine?