Mom came home from her trip! You would have thought she walked on the moon the way the furball was jumping up and down! As soon as she peeled the jumpin sack of fur off of her, she started handing out souvenirs. Let me see, dad got a tie, the boy they call Wyatt got some kind of toy in an egg, the little hippie girl they call Summer got a t-shirt, and oh yeah, I got squat!! Bad enough I didn’t get to go on MY vacation, mom came home without even buying me a set of Mickey ears! I could have used a new set of ears, my current ones are kind of itchy and stinky. Speaking of itchy and stinky, dad’s been scratching his entire body, nether region included, for the last three days. He says he has, big paw air quotes, “chiggers.” Mom goes on vacation for a week, now old dad is covered in “chiggers.” I can recall one time when I was dating the pit bull, I went out of town for a week, when I returned, he had fleas. He caught them from some skank at a local clipper joint. Anyway, dad is really itching! Let me see if I can help him; “aw, you’re my little itchy boy.” Did that help dad? No, I’m shocked! How about this; “stop itching you crazy human!” What? No better? I can’t believe this! Good luck with those “chiggers” dad!