What a weekend, and for that matter, a start of the week! First of all, I’ve been under constant attack from the little hippie girl! She went across the street to do something called “baby sit,” Saturday night. Apparently, there’s a dog across the street named “Buster,” whom the little hippie is enamored with. All I heard all day Sunday was; Buster did this, Buster did that, Buster smells like vanilla, Buster doesn’t stink like stale Fritos, lets shoot Princess! Lets shoot Princess? Okay, I admit, I’m not the easiest dog in the neighborhood to live with, but, for a beatnik like the hippie to resort to violence, is just a tad over the top! Who cares if “Buster” smells like vanilla! What, is this the hippie’s favorite incense fragrance? Besides, the last I checked, hippies were putting flowers into the end of gun barrels, lighten up Moon Beam, I mean Summer! As if all of this wasn’t enough to make me go all Naomi Campbell, this morning, I thought I died! No, really, I thought I died! It all started when I got grabbed up by mom and dad and rushed into the car! Dad appeared to be half asleep and mom was saying something like we only had an hour to get her to the vet! I was thinking, I’m a goner! I only had an hour to live! I thought maybe the hippie girl slipped me something, maybe some vanilla arsenic! On the other hand, I had been itching and smelling a lot, dad had been saying I smelled like I was rotting from the inside out! Maybe he was right! Anyway, a girl has all kinds of crazy thoughts when the end is near! If only I had paid more attention during Bible study, heck, if only I hadn’t pooped in front of the Bible study kids! I won’t even revisit what the furball did to me in front of the Bible study kids! Although, the kids did have a lot more questions about what was going on inside that Ark afterwards! I was swept up so fast, I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to the furball! So anyway, one hour to live, and guess who grabbed the wrong directions to the vet, you guessed it, dad! Mom gave him a good admonishing and sent him back into the house to get the directions! It’s okay dad, I have an hour left to live, and you forgot the directions, don’t sweat it, take your time! After about five minutes, mom went in for dad, I guess dad forgot his reading glasses and couldn’t find the right paper! Oh well, it’s been a good life, the heck with that, get your blind, non reading small print self out here and do some of that high speed evasive driving I’m always hearing you brag about! Okay, we were all back in the car, and away we go! Burn rubber! I thought dad would be driving at least a 100 miles per hour to get his little Princey girl to the vet, oh no, he’s like Mr. ten and two on the steering wheel, right at the speed limit! So this is how it’s going to be, I knew all of that pooping on the floor would come back to bite me, so to speak. Well on the way, mom blurts out, it’s been longer than an hour, we’re too late! Goodbye cruel world, I was way too young and pretty to die, but, hey, so was Anna Nicole! Why must it always be the pretty ones to go so young? This is where It really got strange, it didn’t seem like there was much difference in being dead than alive! Mom and dad were still with me, did I take them out with me on the way? I was trying to recall some of the Bible study stuff from the kids, but I was coming up empty! I did recall one of the lessons, where the kids were asked to describe what they thought God looked like. One of the kids said they thought he would have gray hair and be very kind and loving! One of the other kids said they thought he would look like a Power Ranger, but the kid was eating crayons, so I went with the kindly older gentleman theory. Well we get to the afterlife, what’s this? I still had to poop, but this time I was pooping in some real nice landscaping, looked like heaven to me, crazy thing though, mom still had me on a leash and dad’s leading the way inside. Okay, Heaven has it’s drawbacks, but , did I mention how nice the landscaping was? Once we get inside, I discovered the kid was right, there he was, the kindest, gray haired gentleman you ever wanted to see! Dad walked me over to him, I started thinking, please be in a good mood and let me pass through,! Well the next thing you know, the gray haired gentleman picks me up and says “is she a good girl?” Okay, this was dad‘s time to shine, start boasting about your Princey girl! Mom interrupts, always trying to pad her hand, with the whole “she was a rescue” thing again! Then the guy started poking and prodding, pulling hair out of my ears, and gave me two shots! They were right, they just don’t let anyone in here! Well the next thing you know, the guy gave dad his business card and said if she doesn’t get better in two weeks, I want to see her again. Let’s see, I’m dead! Getting better is going to be a little tough! Well, turns out, silly me, I wasn’t dead at all! Just a little delirious from all the Benedryl mom had been pumping down my throat! I guess it’s never too late to start anew!