Princess here, good news to report, mom gave up drugging me at night to make me sleep. I don’t know what she was shoving down my throat, but it was nowhere near strong enough to keep this old party girl down. I remember one time back in the day this Rottweiler slipped me a mickey, it didn’t work either. Sleep wasn’t the only thing I faked that night. Furball was taken to get a haircut last week. Let’s see, how to best describe his appearance, a black pipe cleaner with legs, yes, I think that’s a fair description. Of course I don’t have much room to talk, I look like a gremlin post water since my last cut. I think mom may have slipped the groomer something before she unleashed the clippers from hell on me. Since mom and dad decided I can no longer sleep in the basement, I’ve been sharing a bed with the Menace in the kitchen. It started out as a pretty comfortable bed, however, the Menace has been slowly eating the bed in her sleep. Do you have any idea how nerve racking it is sleeping next to a goat on steroids. Truth be told, this last year has not been my best. I’ve got a case of the dry eye and I just don’t think I’ve maintained my girlish good looks. It’s kind of hard to rock the leash and collar look with an eye that looks like and feels like cotton candy. I think dad wants me to take up sewing because he’s always telling mom “we should just give her the needle.” I’ve got better things to do than take up sewing, however, if the Menace keeps it up, I may have to sew myself another bed. Chow baby, until next time.

One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small, and the ones that mother gives you don't do anything at all, go ask Alice, when she’s ten feet tall! Princess here, just chilling out after mommy dearest gave me something to (big air paw quotes) help me sleep. Apparently, someone gets a bit testy when you pee on their carpet, who knew they were such clean freaks! I’ve been banished to the kitchen and dining room. Mom and dad have put more gates up in here than in Alcatraz! I totally expect an episode of Lock Up to be filmed any day. Just in case, I’ve made a shiv with Fur Balls name written all over it! I know he was the one snitching to mom and dad and cost me my conjugal visit with the Dachshund down the street, dad calls him a wiener dog and I’ve been dying to find out why. I digress, to make matters worse, the Fur Ball and the menace have been banished right alongside me as well. It would be one thing if I had some intellects to pass the time with but these two wastes of fur and teeth are awful! Now I know what Martha Stewart’s cell mate must have felt like. On the brighter side I am getting more yard time. The yard time is supervised, mom and dad figured out if you put a leash on me I turn into some kind of four legged Betsy Wetsy. I can’t help myself, there’s just something about the feel of a leash around my neck which makes me feel as if I just ate a prune salad and washed it down with five gallons of water. Things continue to get weird around here, in the past year dad has left the house for extended trips, once with mom and the other with the hippie, only to return with a little human! The last trip, when the little hippie they call Summer went with him, they returned with a baby boy I don’t know what they did to the kid, but he looks like he saw a ghost! White hair, pale skin, it looks as if the color was scared right out of him! Now that I have more time, I promise I will write more, until next time, keep those care packages coming.