I always knew furball was a sniveling coward, but today takes the cake! Earlier, I was sitting at the front door giving everyone who passed by a good barking. So furball starts with the skittish act, he’s eating, drinking, or, even just walking across the kitchen floor like someone’s gonna lay a smack down on him at any minute. I asked him what his deal was, to which he replied he was worried about the dog he had seen in the curio cabinet ambushing him. I didn’t have the heart to tell the sack of fur he had seen his own reflection in the curio cabinet mirror. Being ever helpful, I thought I would try to build him up a bit. You know me, I’m always trying to help the poor guy. I began by telling furball he looked pretty tough when he was mad. I also told him he should just march into the dining room with the meanest, scariest face he could muster, to scare the other dog away. Furball was unsure at first, so I asked him, what are you, a dog, or, a mouse? Well, this shamed him, who knew you could shame such a pitiful beast. Next thing you know, the furball started making these crazy eyes, all the while flaring his nostrils and fangs. With a great ado, he marched himself into the dining room, saying something like, please don’t make me kill again! As soon as the warrior nitwit hit the dining room floor, he caught a glimpse of himself in the curio cabinet, all you could see was fur and elbows, he was running so fast, pleading all the while “please don’t let that ugly beast kill me!” I found the ninja mutt hiding under the couch. It took a while, but I finally talked him out. He was crying, saying between snivels he had never seen such a mean ferocious beast in all of his life. I suggested he shouldn’t have started out with such a big opponent, maybe he should get those two little yappers down the street who are always being paraded by the house on their leashes, looking at me, I mean us, like they're all high and mighty! I told the furball “we’ could jump those oversized hamsters the next time they were walked by the house. I ensured furball I would open a can of whoop butt, maybe break out the brax, I mean brass knuckles and teach those ankle biters whose the boss! I told furball the dog in the dining room would be so impressed with our fighting skills, he would surely leave the house. So the plan was set, the next time we see those dogs being walked down the street and someone leaves the door open, we‘ll be all over the Pointer sisters like Rosie O’Donnel on a chicken leg! Who knew our opportunity would have come the same day! As mom was returning home from the store, those two hairballs were being walked right past our house! I told furball it’s now, or, never, so he jumped out the door, ran through the garage, and headed right for my two arch nemesis’. I was right behind furball, when all of a sudden, curses! I had to stop and itch my body! Furball ran right into the eye of the storm, he took a bite to the nose and posterior, which sent him running for the house faster than Leno gave Conan the boot! There I was, left all alone, I gave those two mini marauders a good frowning, stuck my nose in the air and promptly returned to my abode. Oh well, I guess furball will just have to stay under the couch a little longer.